ISSUE 08-25

Pretentious Rock Star Poses, #4



Hi, we’re The New Pornographers. Damn right we’re edgy, we put the word "porno" in our goddamn name. We’re a self-proclaimed “supergroup”, culling geniuses from other bands and genres, one of those bands with no set lineup of musicians from one record to the next. Yep, people just come and go in our shop, though whenever Neko Case isn’t here, it’s like “why are we even bothering?”. No, we do produce some good music, but I’ll bet in your entire lifetime, you will not be able to name a single one of us besides Neko. Go on, try. You can’t. Oh, and by the way, that guy in the back row, on the right? He’s not in the band, and he really stands there, all day long, gazing into the mid-distance. Really, he does. Yeah, I know, creepy.


Windows™ On Words…

Last week I used the Search function on Windows Media Player to find a song from my music collection with the word “home” in the title. Turns out I have over a dozen songs with that word somewhere in the title. So I had a brainstorm – why not do word searches, put lists together, and see what the songs look like when you stack them like cordwood?

Still Take You Home - Arctic Monkeys
The Long Way Home - Mary Chapin Carpenter
A Place Called Home - PJ Harvey
There's No Home For You Here - White Stripes
I Feel Like Going Home - Yo La Tengo
Safe European Home - The Clash
Not Coming Home - Maroon 5
To Wild Homes - The New Pornographers
Homecoming - Kanye West
Home - Foo Fighters

Okay, so it’s not quite cold fusion, but it does stimulate my opiated brain. In this list, all but two songs appear to be optimistic in some way. The White Stripes have decided that someone can just stay the hell away from their home. Maroon 5 simply won’t be coming home, and I think we can all agree that’s a wise idea, as long as they are not planning another tour. Not completely certain about The New Pornographers’ To Wild Homes, so let’s look at the lyrics:

First my trusty voice cracked, like it's not plain to see,
a sidewalk step, defaults on my debt to the order of society.

Behold our first rate lady, as if you hadn't guessed,
the homemade queen of every homecoming not so gently laid to rest.

And then outside her courtyard after entering your plea
you strike the right ingredient and chew the scenery.

How many times must we say, this kind of inflation cannot kill us.
Our backers use versions we used to unwind with, the threads of an argument lost.

To wild homes we go.
To wild homes we return.
To wild homes we go.

Whoa... that’s deep, eh? I will make sure this is the background music at my next hoity-toity gathering. I will totally impress my guests, unless they ask me to interpret the lyrics. I can’t even explain Tic-Tac-Toe to Li'l Joey...


Bull Market Wisdom?

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
-John Kenneth Galbraith

Do not ever mistake stock markets for casinos. Casinos have rules.
-Andy Sarlos


Now, how the f*ck was I supposed to know the damn market
was going to sh*t the bed? And really, who wouldn't overload
their portfolio with US mortgages? Oh, you think it was a bad
move? Hindsight - the safe haven for f*cknozzled losers! Gah...


LOLcats of the week…




And finally!
The picture begs for a caption...